Rainbow Baby

Khloe Azhanii Renee-My Rainbow after the storm

Miscarriage & Making it Through

As I lay here watching her sleep, so angelic, I can’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude.

The fear that once held me, thinking I would never experience being a new mother again has made me appreciate it so much more.

I miscarried twice. Once at five months and again at three, both within the same year. My hope was gone. I wasn’t even sure I could carry a child anymore.

With miscarriage being such an unspoken conversation amongst women, I was filled with questions that went unanswered. I had support, but until you’ve fought that battle you just can’t relate.

Tip: When attempting to comfort a mother who has lost a child, one of the worst things you can do is tell her she can always have another.

Is it logical? Yes. Factual? Yes… but it is so disrespectful to feel as though someone thinks of your deceased child as something you can just “do over.”

From the time we are old enough to play with toys, someone is putting a baby doll in our hand. We’re gifted with pretend kitchens and nurseries. We’re taught to aspire towards motherhood and marriage. What happens when you lose that opportunity? Does it make you a failure or less valuable than the next?

Absolutely not!

Huffington Post published an article on the commonality of miscarriages. The sad truth is 15-20% of pregnancies in the US end in miscarriage.

You are not alone!

I understand sis, sometime the hurt feels unbearable. Just the sound of hearing a baby cry felt like a vice grip on my heart & what felt like golfball sized tears in my throat. I promise, with each day comes strength. With that strength comes hope & a will to try…

He himself has said, “ I will never leave you nor fore sake you” Hebrews 13:5

Fast forward, and here we are. Not only did my rainbow baby finally make an appearance, but a grand one! We fought the possibility of Trisomy 18, Autism and Sickle Cell. A battle that we came out of victoriously!

Ms Khloè is now two years old. She’s beautiful, inquisitive and wise beyond her years. She has been such a blessing and a joy to our lives & has everyone wrapped around her tiny little fingers. Being blessed enough to call her mine is everything I had hoped for.

I say all of this to say, don’t give up! I know it may seem unbearable at times. Some days may be harder than others, but I promise with each day comes strength. & whether you decide to try again, or if you feel that you’re content where you are, always remember two things;

You are not alone & You are enough !!!

Love Always,

Ci Evelynn

If you or a loved one are looking for additional support please, don’t be ashamed to ask. Feel free to send an email to cievelynnblog@gmail.com and I will get support information out to you.

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